Reverend Johnny Dragon

In today’s world of Social Media, we as a society literally get to eavesdrop on the lives of complete strangers.  My Wife is an aficionado of Social Media and does a very good job of giving me a running narrative on what she learns about this world.  She was recently following an individual on Twitter that had a very sick child.  Night before last, the Mother of the child had to take her to the hospital and while there, Baby Maddie past away.  It affected my Wife and I very deeply.  We have five children of our own and our youngest Jack is almost the same age as their daughter.  I went back and read her and her husbands blogs and the posts they had on Twitter.  These were two people just going along with life’s little flow, making the most out of their lives, desperately loving their little girl and then out of nowhere  complete and total heartache.  There is part of me that wants to scream at the top of my lungs, “This is unacceptable God!”  There is also a part of me that feels guilty that it was not me that had to experience this pain.  That my children are healthy and safe.  The fact that I had the joy of seeing my son rolling over for the first time while someone else grieved a lose that I hope I will never have to comprehend.  That’s the question, if faced with the same situation, how would my faith hold up?

The irony of it all is that for many years alcohol and drugs kept me separated from my children.  I was there, but I was an unfeeling phantom that tornadoes my way through the lives of everyone I knew.  The day my daughter was born, seven years ago, I was sneaking drinks in the parking lot between labor pains.  I became enraged at my ex-wife later that evening and ripped my hospital bracelet off and through it at her.  At a time that I needed to be their for my family, I was totally wrapped up in the alcoholic hell that I had created.  Even though I have been sober and in recovery, my ex-wife will forever remember me as the guy that was standing in the hospital drunk and screaming that night.  Most people would probably like to forget things like that, but not me.  Ya see, I need to keep that kind of thing close enough to touch.  I need to experience that pain again ever so often just to remind me of the place I never want to return too.  I have an obligation never to place the people I love in that position ever again.

I admire people who stand true through adversity.  The strength they gain and the power behind their relationship with God.  I have often asked myself the question, “If I had to experience that kind of pain, would I give myself permission to drink again?”  I like to think not.  I am able to say without hesitation my God is much bigger than that, and I am eternally grateful.

If ya get a chance, say a little prayer for little Maddie’s family.  God may have gotten a brand new Angel, but they are the ones who have to wake up each day and hope it hurts a little less.

J.D.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 9th, 2009 at 12:23 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.