Reverend Johnny Dragon

My name is Jonathan David Darley.  My Mother and Father named me that by accident.  I was supposed to be William David, but my Mom was still pretty out of it when they brought in the Birth Certificate information.  She was thinking about Jonathan and David from the Bible and how they had been best friends.  I was called Billy for the next month until the official Birth Certificate came in.  I have been Jonathan, Jon and J.D. and a slew of other names.

I have hidden behind names my entire life.  If I did comedy then I had a stage name. Even this blog is written under an anonymous name.  I had to ask myself what it was about me that constantly had me hiding behind a persona or someone that I was not.  What I have figured out is that I have never really felt good enough to say what I needed to say from the perspective of my true self.  This is phenomenal to me when I think about the size of my ego.  I loved being the center of attention and I loved the pats on the back.  I just did not love me.  Over the past few years I have gotten very okay with who I really am.   I spent years pouring alcohol on top of that person because I never could measure up.  My insides never seem to match up to everyone else’s outside.

I over use humor in a huge way.  When I was in 8th grade my parents who were Missionaries to Japan, spent a year in Mobile Alabama for furlough.  Four years on, one year off.  I went from going to school in an International school setting to a Junior High in the middle of a South Alabama neighborhood called Black Jack.  Needless to say I stood out.  I got my butt kicked every week for about four months.  Then I stood up for myself and in the process said something to make the school bully laugh.  I instantly became the “The Funny Guy”.  The awkward redheaded kid that had been referred to as “Jap Boy” now had some street credit.  My humor took off big time and every opportunity I had I worked overtime to be on stage and be the center of attention.  I hid more pain through humor than I ever did with Alcohol and Drugs.

This was just one of many identities I hid behind in my quest to just be okay with being me.  The hardest person we ever have to face is ourselves.  Just us.  Warts and scars and wrinkles and all the rest.  If I can stand toe to toe with that person and be okay…well that’s what most of us strive for ultimately. The ability to look in the mirror and just be okay with the reflection staring back.  I recently went to the Doctor for a full physical and am in surprisingly good health considering what I have put my body through.  My Doctor never pulls any punches and knows my past history with addiction.  Between all the scars and all the tattoos, I was embarrassed by what she might think.  I actually apologized for what I looked like physically.  She looked me square in the eye and said, “Don’t apologize. What I see is a roadmap for someone who has been on a great adventure. Every scar tells a story, every tattoo tells a tale.  You just get to decide how many more scars you need to finish the story.”  She left the office and I cried for a good ten minutes. While I processed that simple statement.

I’m glad to be who I am, and I am glad that I am okay with how God made me.  My names J.D. Darley and I am a Husband, a Father, a Son, a Brother, a Funny Guy, a Sad Guy and yes…a recovered alcoholic and drug addict.  I love who I am and would not be all those things without all the scars.  I hope you are okay with you too.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 31st, 2009 at 1:32 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.