Reverend Johnny Dragon

“I have to visualize my God. In my mind he is twenty feet tall and I have my arm wrapped around his thigh with his hand on top of my head.  When my Father has me, nothing can touch me, not whiskey, not Women, not cocaine, when my Father has all of me…Bring it on!” -Mark Houston

This is my tribute to The Old man.  It was a name that I called him to behind his back and to a select others, but never to his face.  It was created out of love and respect, but I was smart enough to never test it.

So years ago I decided to become a Substance Abuse Counselor. I made decision for all the wrong reasons.  I thought it was about helping people in addiction but it was really about my own ego and how I would be seen by others.  It was about the pats on the back and not about what it meant to truly help others.  I paid for that mistake four years ago when after having several former Clients die in addiction and the realization that I was doing my best to play God, I myself went through a very difficult relapse and the embarrassment of passing out in my office under the influence of prescription medication.  I was terminated from my position and essentially my career came to an end.  I skulked quietly in to the night, turning my back on the Chemical Dependency Field forever.

I then went to work on my personal Recovery and took a job that emphasized to me daily what humility truly meant.  I went through a bad divorce and prepared to be married to the great Individual that I am married to today.  Two years in to all of this I received a phone call asking me if I wanted to get back ii to the Chemical Dependency Field and I firmly said no.  I had not forgotten my past lesson and was not willing to experience it again.  My Wife is a lot more level headed than I am and she asked me to go out and at least consider the possibility.  She was able to see more in me than I could.  I needed to make amends with an old friend so I took the day and went out to this Recovery Center that I had never heard of called Mark Houston Recovery.  I went through the initial process and realized how muched I missed working with people in addiction, however, I was not sold.

I soon found myself sitting across the desk from The Old Man himself.  Mark was older with white hair and a white beard, but that was as far as his age was conveyed.  Mark was a powerful man with a powerful approach.  He talked about personal Recovery and he drilled me about mine.  he wanted to know about how many meetings I was attending, how many men I was sponsoring, did I have a Sponsor?  He asked me if I understood something called Goal Setting and the importance of the process.  Mark made it clear that any one who worked for him would model true Recovery.  He understood that no one could transmit what they did not have. This was the strangest interview I had ever been on and I was blown away.  To be honest, every where I had ever worked in a traditional setting, no one had ever asked me these things.  The impression I had always been given was that my personal Recovery was my business and if anything I was encouraged not to be too heavily involved in the Recovery Community because that might take away from my effectiveness.  Personal Recovery?  What a novel concept.

I walked out of that office with a job.  A job with an organization that was approaching Recovery differently than anyone in the Nation.  I had just gained a spot on the ground level of what was soon to become one of the most cutting edge approaches in the field of Chemical Dependency.  We didn’t do Treatment, we did Recovery.  Over the years I have discovered that gaining a spot and keeping a spot are two different things.  The Old Man pulled me aside one day and looked me in the eye and told me that he did not like what he was seeing and that if I didn’t do something soon then I was on my way to a Relapse.  My first thought? Fuck you Old Man, who the hell do you think you are?  I accept your challenge and I will show you.  I spent the next month in one of my most intensive studies ever with the 12-Steps.  I came out the other side with a new understanding and a new strength in my Recovery.  The Old Man was right and once again he had affected me in the only way he knew I would respond.

Another time I looked across the desk from him after I had colored outside of the lines and he was beside himself.  I will never forget what he said.  He said, “J.D., you are the Terrell Owens of Chemical Dependency.  When you are on your game, no one can touch you, but when you are off, you fuck up every thing.”  That will forever be what I call the Great T.O. Conversation. I never forgot any lesson he ever taught me.

I received a phone call on Friday, February 19th, 2010, giving me the news that I had never expected to hear.  Mark Houston had passed away suddenly and had not been able to be revived.  I was stunned.  I couldn’t believe it.  Quite frankly most people had a healthy fear of the Old Man and I assumed that Death felt the same way.  I cried sporadically, talked about it a lot, demanded to know how he could have been so irresponsible, but mostly I just grieved deeply about the loss of someone who had meant so much.  It hurt to think that I would never get a chance to make him laugh.  Out of every one in the world with the exception of my Wife Sherri, he was the one person who I loved to make laugh.  He laughed from his soul and it was healing.  I sat on the front porch of the main office the Tuesday before he died talking with him while he smoked a cigarette that he was constantly trying to quit.  I had been out for awhile after a car accident and I was telling him how I had been shocking people when I caught them staring at my Halo Brace.  He started laughing in that booming way only he could do and I remember what he said.  “People stare because it forces them to see their own weakness, the fear that it could happen to them, and the guilt behind the fact that its not them that has to do it.  It means your stronger than them J.D. and it pisses them off.”  I am so glad I had that moment with him.

I started this peice with a quote.  It was my favorite Mark Houston quote and every time I heard it it made me feel like I could do anything.  The first time my Wife heard it she was moved deeply but she had a much different reaction.  I will never forget what she said because she said it again the other night.  She said, “What an incredible statement and how cool is it gonna be when his God actually catches him?”  Last Friday God caught him, and although I am heart broken, I am also happy for the Old Man.  Mark had no biological Children, but he was a Father to many, including a broken down alcoholic Drug Counselor that no one else wanted to believe in.

I refuse to let him die and will continue to carry his message on in spirit.  I may not always work for Mark Houston Recovery, but I will always work with Mark Houston.  Here’s to you Old Man, try not to give God too hard of a time.

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