Reverend Johnny Dragon

So when we went to the Hospital on Tuesday the April 13^th we really weren’t sure what to expect. It was a toss up whether or not my neck had totally fused back together and this was the moment that would decide whether or not I would walk out in a Cervical Collar or schedule fusion surgery. For those of you who are unaware of what that looks like, it is major surgery where they make an incision in your throat, move your larynx out of the way and then screw your vertebrae back together. Now, just between you and I, I had to have someone explain to me exactly what a larynx was, and also just between you and I, I was perfectly happy with it staying exactly where it currently resides, but I digress. The kicker in all of this is that I had been in a Halo Brace for the past three months. It’s a giant hunk of metal that is literally screwed directly into your skull. Very painful and very awkward. The fun part is all the fascinating questions you get to answer over and over again. I was going to list some of those questions here but on the off chance one of you asked one of those questions, I have no desire to make you feel bad. Also, as much as you appreciate being told over and over again that you are lucky to be alive, eventually even that gets a bit old. I get it, I almost missed out on every thing that mattered in my world and they almost missed out on me. No matter how many jokes you tell and no matter how you try and play it off, there comes a time when you just want people to quit staring. The funny part is that I love to be the center of attention, but for the first time I just wanted to be part of the nondescript back drop of life.

Here’s the other part that weighed heavily. I got up to go to work on January 7^th and in one moment everything went on hold. Life stopped as we knew it. Every day you get up faced with the idea that you should probably be dead, but you aren’t. Every one around you has no idea how to react. My Wife was a total trooper through it all, but you could see those moments where it would hit her like a ton of bricks. Everything would be normal, and then someone would burst in to tears and all bets would be off. Most people don’t understand that when something like this happens, you truly stay suspended in the middle of the accident. In a lot of ways its still happening to you and there are numerous reminders. The Brace itself is big and bulky and the square top that surrounds your head is connected to a heavy plastic vest lined with sheep wool. It sits on your shoulders and could probably stop a bullet. It can’t be taken off for numerous reasons, the least of which once again is the fact that there are four titanium screws an eighth of an inch into my skull. Sleeping is difficult at best and you have to stand completely up just to change positions. You have to take sponge baths and it smells like hell. You have trouble shaving and you cannot cut your hair. None of this is even the worst part. The worst part is the inability to be close to anyone who matters. This is a time when you need a hug all the time and you are denied the ability to do it. You miss being able to touch. The best thing I can compare it to is being trapped in a cage. I never understood that feeling, but I do now.

In all of this I never got down and I never blamed anyone or anything for my circumstances. I was embraced by my neighborhood, my church, my job and all the members of the Recovery Community. My Children learned so much through all of this and never made me feel different. I know that they have a different outlook now when they see others who are in a similar situation and show so much sensitivity when it comes to helping others. Most of all my relationship with my Wife got stronger and I have fully embraced the unconditional love I have with my Best friend and Partner. I want her to know that I think she is the strongest person in the World and I know without question that I could have gotten through none of this without her. She was fiercely protective of me and went above and beyond in every way.

So back to the Hospital. They took off most of the brace and took some x rays and in the end they determined that my neck had fused well. Needless to say the feelings were overwhelming. I felt a freedom and a relief that had not been there in a long time. My Wife cried and we got to hug for the first time in three months. There is so much more that I am grateful for and fully realize that I had taken all of it for granted. For the first time it felt like there had been some closure. I am thankful to God and to every one who kept me in their thoughts and prayers through out all of this. I realize what I almost missed out on and plan on spending the rest of my life experiencing every single moment of it.

One last note. Next time your out and about, take a look around. You never know who just be trapped in a cage. Be aware, be open, be kind, and most of all be the person that God wants you to be. It might be exactly what they need.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 15th, 2010 at 8:01 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.