This is my tribute to The Old man.  It was a name that I called him to behind his back and to a select others, but never to his face.  It was created out of love and respect, but I was smart enough to never test it.

So years ago I decided to become a Substance Abuse Counselor. I made decision for all the wrong reasons.  I thought it was about helping people in addiction but it was really about my own ego and how I would be seen by others.  It was about the pats on the back and not about what it meant to truly help others.  I paid for that mistake four years ago when after having several former Clients die in addiction and the realization that I was doing my best to play God, I myself went through a very difficult relapse and the embarrassment of passing out in my office under the influence of prescription medication.  I was terminated from my position and essentially my career came to an end.  I skulked quietly in to the night, turning my back on the Chemical Dependency Field forever.

I then went to work on my personal Recovery and took a job that emphasized to me daily what humility truly meant.  I went through a bad divorce and prepared to be married to the great Individual that I am married to today.  Two years in to all of this I received a phone call asking me if I wanted to get back ii to the Chemical Dependency Field and I firmly said no.  I had not forgotten my past lesson and was not willing to experience it again.  My Wife is a lot more level headed than I am and she asked me to go out and at least consider the possibility.  She was able to see more in me than I could.  I needed to make amends with an old friend so I took the day and went out to this Recovery Center that I had never heard of called Mark Houston Recovery.  I went through the initial process and realized how muched I missed working with people in addiction, however, I was not sold.

I soon found myself sitting across the desk from The Old Man himself.  Mark was older with white hair and a white beard, but that was as far as his age was conveyed.  Mark was a powerful man with a powerful approach.  He talked about personal Recovery and he drilled me about mine.  he wanted to know about how many meetings I was attending, how many men I was sponsoring, did I have a Sponsor?  He asked me if I understood something called Goal Setting and the importance of the process.  Mark made it clear that any one who worked for him would model true Recovery.  He understood that no one could transmit what they did not have. This was the strangest interview I had ever been on and I was blown away.  To be honest, every where I had ever worked in a traditional setting, no one had ever asked me these things.  The impression I had always been given was that my personal Recovery was my business and if anything I was encouraged not to be too heavily involved in the Recovery Community because that might take away from my effectiveness.  Personal Recovery?  What a novel concept.

I walked out of that office with a job.  A job with an organization that was approaching Recovery differently than anyone in the Nation.  I had just gained a spot on the ground level of what was soon to become one of the most cutting edge approaches in the field of Chemical Dependency.  We didn’t do Treatment, we did Recovery.  Over the years I have discovered that gaining a spot and keeping a spot are two different things.  The Old Man pulled me aside one day and looked me in the eye and told me that he did not like what he was seeing and that if I didn’t do something soon then I was on my way to a Relapse.  My first thought? Fuck you Old Man, who the hell do you think you are?  I accept your challenge and I will show you.  I spent the next month in one of my most intensive studies ever with the 12-Steps.  I came out the other side with a new understanding and a new strength in my Recovery.  The Old Man was right and once again he had affected me in the only way he knew I would respond.

Another time I looked across the desk from him after I had colored outside of the lines and he was beside himself.  I will never forget what he said.  He said, “J.D., you are the Terrell Owens of Chemical Dependency.  When you are on your game, no one can touch you, but when you are off, you fuck up every thing.”  That will forever be what I call the Great T.O. Conversation. I never forgot any lesson he ever taught me.

I received a phone call on Friday, February 19th, 2010, giving me the news that I had never expected to hear.  Mark Houston had passed away suddenly and had not been able to be revived.  I was stunned.  I couldn’t believe it.  Quite frankly most people had a healthy fear of the Old Man and I assumed that Death felt the same way.  I cried sporadically, talked about it a lot, demanded to know how he could have been so irresponsible, but mostly I just grieved deeply about the loss of someone who had meant so much.  It hurt to think that I would never get a chance to make him laugh.  Out of every one in the world with the exception of my Wife Sherri, he was the one person who I loved to make laugh.  He laughed from his soul and it was healing.  I sat on the front porch of the main office the Tuesday before he died talking with him while he smoked a cigarette that he was constantly trying to quit.  I had been out for awhile after a car accident and I was telling him how I had been shocking people when I caught them staring at my Halo Brace.  He started laughing in that booming way only he could do and I remember what he said.  “People stare because it forces them to see their own weakness, the fear that it could happen to them, and the guilt behind the fact that its not them that has to do it.  It means your stronger than them J.D. and it pisses them off.”  I am so glad I had that moment with him.

I started this peice with a quote.  It was my favorite Mark Houston quote and every time I heard it it made me feel like I could do anything.  The first time my Wife heard it she was moved deeply but she had a much different reaction.  I will never forget what she said because she said it again the other night.  She said, “What an incredible statement and how cool is it gonna be when his God actually catches him?”  Last Friday God caught him, and although I am heart broken, I am also happy for the Old Man.  Mark had no biological Children, but he was a Father to many, including a broken down alcoholic Drug Counselor that no one else wanted to believe in.

I refuse to let him die and will continue to carry his message on in spirit.  I may not always work for Mark Houston Recovery, but I will always work with Mark Houston.  Here’s to you Old Man, try not to give God too hard of a time.

2 Corinthians 12:9

9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

On January 7^th, 2009 I was in a car accident. I was on my way to work at 6:30AM, not playing with the radio, not messing with my phone and definitely not under the influence of any substance other than caffeine. I simply came around a corner and before I could react, I had driven under a school bus. When I opened up my eyes, or came to or whatever happened, I was staring at the bumper of the Bus, inches away from my face. Someone called 911 and covered me in a blanket. Things are pretty hazy but I do remember the ambulance ride to the Hospital and being told over and over how lucky I was. I hurt all over, but my first concern was really how my pregnant Wife was going to deal with the news. She is very level headed but when one of her people experience danger she goes into Mama Bear mode like you would not believe.

Even after getting to the Hospital I still did not recognize the degree of my injuries. I figured that they would fix me right up and send me home. Maybe miss the rest of the week of work, lay in the recliner and vegetate for a few days. I was rolled back and forth and never thought anything could hurt that bad. I was x-rayed and MRIed and eventually told that I had broken my neck, back and most of my ribs and that I needed to realize just how lucky I was. It still did not seem all that real.

My background with addiction is extensive so I have a lot of fear around pain medication and all of a sudden I had no choice if I expected to feel any relief from very extensive injuries. The Doctor was very clear that I had to heal and that pain could slow down the process if my mind was in the wrong place. He then told me how lucky I was. It is at this point that I would like all of you to know that I refuse to refer to it as luck. I stopped being lucky years ago. I was where I was because God had me, and he had all of me.

I managed to have a good attitude through all of this and none of that has anything to do with anything I am doing on my own power. I have no other power than the power God provides for me on a daily basis. Please do not think it has all been sunshine and lollipops. I have had those questionable moments of doubt and worry. Those moments where fear creeps in and decides that now is a great chance to shake up the situation. The difference is that now these moments are fleeting and I actually talk about them without fear of judgment. I have also been able to see God in other people a lot clearer than I normally do. My Wife has been so awesome in this situation and has shown me unconditional love in all of our trials. She has cared for me, physically and emotionally. She has cried with me and has listened to me unload my fears and frustrations. I have heard people say that they have seen the love of Christ through the actions of others and Sherri has set that example for me. I have fallen so short in this area.

My AA sponsor and probably my best friend with the exception of my Wife has been with me in some shape or form every day. He has walked me through some tough moments, has helped me shave when I could not do it on my own and brought every one Girl Scout Cookies because sometimes thats exactly what you need to make things better. He has done these things quietly and without wish of recognition or fan fare. He has taught me things about integrity and character that I will forever be grateful. I have seen the love of Christ through his actions and I thank Don Mabry with all my heart.

My Wifes best friend Britta flew into town and has been taking care of the house and making the Kids feel safe and secure. She has made me feel like a member of her Family and I love her dearly. Our neighborhood has banded together and brought food. People I do not even know cared enough to do what they could just to let us know that we were not alone. Our Church has done the same as well as near and dear friends who just want to say that they are there. I have learned so much humility through all of this and have had no trouble seeing God in all of these people.

It is so easy to become cynical in this day and age. We watch our politicians work against each other even when so many would be helped if they just worked together. We see people take advantage of each other and treat each other without any sense of love or respect. Our children grow up feeling the need to tear each other down based on the example we set as parents. Addiction runs rampant as we pass judgment on others and look down our noses from our lofty pedestals of perfection. Meanwhile people are dying daily, alone and without hope, and until it hits us in our own back yard, it is just easier to ignore. This is just a small amount of what Christians do on a daily basis that sends out the message that God is not about love, but rather about casting aside the very people that Jesus came to save.

Why does it take a near death experience to see the love and grace of God in those people that surround us on a daily basis? How great would it be to be able to do that no matter what is going on in our lives. I want this and have a real willingness to pursue this daily. It is only through my connection with God that I am able to see any of these things. It is only through the conscious contact that I have with Him that any of this is possible. I challenge myself daily to pour myself into Gods word and in that personal interaction I have with Him. I may have a broken neck, but I have never had to carry my own cross and then die for anyone, let alone everyone. How hard could it be to see Him in others?

I challenge each and every one of you to see God in those around you. Be nicer to that waiter that gets on your nerves. Understand that you get to stand in that line in the Grocery Store while others stand in line just to get a bottle of water for their Children. Put aside the judgment of others because you have no understanding of what its like to be in their shoes. Love each other a little more today…what do you have to lose? After my accident my Grandmother called me and told me that I needed to run out and start a Church because I would never truly be able to show God the appreciation that he deserved for the blessings in my life. She was being funny, but you know what? I just might just follow her advice.

]]> http://reverendjohnnydragon.com/2010/02/do-you-feel-lucky-do-ya/feed/ 5 http://reverendjohnnydragon.com/2009/12/thank-you-for-my-alcoholism/ http://reverendjohnnydragon.com/2009/12/thank-you-for-my-alcoholism/#comments Sat, 12 Dec 2009 15:02:57 +0000 Johnny Dragon http://reverendjohnnydragon.com/?p=125 My Wife and I have five kids between us and a happy surprise due in July.  I remember telling my parents at the ripe old age of 20 that I did not want kids nor would I ever have any.  God has an incredible sense of humor.  Our youngest, Jack, just turned one in November and in a very short period of time he has taught me so much.  Jack has a sense of humor, and loves to make people laugh.  Jack very seldom takes anything personally, and when we have to discipline him he seems to think that he has done us a favor in an effort to make us better parents.  Jack likes to draw pictures, but he likes it even more when Mom and Dad tell him that he is a great artist.  Jack likes to sneak up on you and try and surprise you.  His laugh is infectious and pure.  Most of all Jack is a flirt.  He does so love the ladies.  He always gets us the best tables in restaurants and makes quite the impression with the Walmart check out Girls.  I am always surprised that he does not come home with phone numbers tucked into his diaper.  This kid is the total package!

I have also watched each one of Jack’s milestones deliberately, and with attention to detail.  I remember his first smile. I remember when he rolled over the first time.  I remember the first time he truly laughed.  I remember his first fever, and the worry that went along with that. I remember his first word, and how it felt to hear him say Daddy.  I remember the first time he crawled and the first time he pulled up on a table to stand on his own two feet.  I remember his first steps and I remember his face smeared in birthday cake. Most of all, I remember every time his Mother has looked at him with that unconditional love that instantaneously makes her the most beautiful woman on the planet.

It is only natural that a parent would want to remember these things, but I do it for an entirely different reason.  Ya see, I have two kids before Jack and I cannot remember any of those things.  Trevor is 10 now and Veronica is 8 and when they were Baby’s, I was caught up in my addiction and my alcoholism.  I was loaded when my ex wife gave birth to Veronica.  I could not even stay sober for the birth of my child.  I cannot remember crawling or smiles, or first steps.  Ever so often something floats up through the haze and I get to have a moment with the Kids that I though was lost forever.  I was sober when Trevor broke his arm and I was able to drive him to the hospital and help keep my ex wife from descending into hysterics.  I remember Trevor dressed as Elvis for his second Halloween in full sequenced jumpsuit.  I remember Veronica smiling at me and when I would say, “Who does Daddy Love?”, she would squeal “Meeeee!”.  Not everything is lost.

Mostly I just feel guilty.  I look at Jack and I thank God that he has never had to deal with Daddy the active alcoholic, and I look at the other two and feel such remorse for my past actions.  That remorse is one thing that I like to reach out and touch from time to time.  Not to wallow in it, but simply to touch it.  That moment that reiterates to me just how powerless I am when it comes to alcohol, and how unmanageable my life could be.  Most people think it is a cop out when people say that they had no choice when it came to using alcohol or drugs.  It is unfathomable to the normal drinker that anyone could ever lose the power of choice when it comes to alcohol, but it must be placed in perspective.  What sane person decides to get drunk while their daughter is being born?  What sane person chooses to hurt those they love the most?  What sane person chooses to go to jail, or drive drunk?  These are the questions that must be asked when it comes to the option of choice.  I was driven to do those things and there was no choice in the matter.

How does one overcome the physical craving and the obsession of the mind?  Very simple. They take a hard look at sickness of their spirit, and take the action needed to heal that sickness.  If one is powerless, then it is makes sense that one must have power to overcome the adversity.  That power came to me in the form of the God that I had forsaken long ago.  Ya see, I thought God had disappeared and left me flat.  The reality is He had been there the whole time just waiting for me to look in the right direction.  Once I embraced that power, my sanity was restored and the power of choice came back in full force.

Today I get to remember every thing.  I thank God daily for my Family and the fact that they never have to see the insanity of my alcoholism.  I also thank God daily for my Alcoholism because I am not sure I would appreciate my life quite as much as I do. Yes, you heard me correctly, “Thank you God for making me an alcoholic.”

Terri,

While I wish you luck with your show, and appreciate the email to J.D., I feel it important that you know that we were already planning on canceling J.D.’s appearance at the Charis Festival via email this afternoon. Had I known that you were already considering canceling all speakers and singers, I would have sent this sooner in hopes of making that easier on you. I am CC’ing this email to others involved so that they may also be aware of the goings-on and not left in the dark or confused as to J.D.s’ involvement in the festival.

I am going to tell you this not to hurt your feelings or add to the negativity that you have been experiencing lately, but because I think it is important that you know why were planning on doing it. J.D. (just as yourself) has been a huge supporter of Jay and his ministry for years – he identifies with Jay’s struggles and triumphs and finds strength in his sermons. I myself would have never understood just what Grace means had it not been for Jay lighting that fire in J.D. and him in turn lighting it in me. When J.D. had a chance to speak with Jay, he was incredibly grateful and excited, and we both jumped at it. As you know, we recently started getting J.D.s speaking ministry off the ground – a chance to speak along side of one of his hero’s for his first official gig was too good to pass up.

Over the last month, it has become clear that you are struggling with some demons in your life that I am very familiar with, and you have been very vocal about going through them. That’s good, Terri – I commend you for doing so. Many of us were unable to vocalize the pain that divorce placed us in; many of us were unable to speak about our struggles with faith or church or The Church.. many of us were silent when we worried that our drinking may be getting out of hand. You were not – and that takes guts. I get it.

However; when you are promoting a festival of Grace (that which affords Joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness) and were really wanting to convey what that means, you absolutely must consider, at all times, who your audience is. People that already know Grace don’t have to go to a festival to learn about it or celebrate it – they are busy living it and giving it to others as God intended. It’s the people that are lost, disgraced, torn, broken and wounded that a festival of Grace should be for. It is people who are searching that will find the message that such a festival should be conveying – and if they are searching and they find the words that have been spoken/written by the creator of the event, they will walk away more lost than when they started out.

You should know some things about J.D. and myself. We live our lives now very different than how we used to and neither of us are strangers to struggling. We both have tried and failed many times to live our lives according to our own plans – we are painfully aware of how much it hurts to land hard on your ass when you climb high up on a pedestal to place anything but God there – whether it is drugs, alcohol, sex, food, gambling, or speaking at a festival with your hero. Unfortunately, I think we both were so blinded by the thrill of meeting and speaking with Jay that we didn’t see this festival turning into everything we live our lives to avoid.

J.D. goes to work everyday and feeds mens asses to them on a plate for even eluding to some of the attitudes that have been displayed in relation to the festival. There is just no way in good conscience that he could have spoken at a festival promoted by someone that blatantly uses alcoholism as an excuse to behave disgracefully. It just wouldn’t have made sense. At this point, supporting you by speaking at your festival would be against every belief we have – we might as well be buying you your next fix or holding a bottle to your lips.

When we decided to travel to New Mexico at our own expense, it was because we saw an opportunity to share J.D. message with an audience that was there to hear it – we have become concerned over the last month that that audience may have been chased away and replaced by an audience simply waiting to see what might happen next in a circus.

I battle depression &  anxiety on a daily basis, and I too used to pour alcohol on them in an attempt to quell their power over me – it didn’t matter that I knew it was a stupid thing to do. I too used to lash out at people that tried to throw their messages at me – whether I actually asked them for their message or not. I too used to set myself up to get beat up and ridiculed; doing so provides hours of material useful as another reason to drink more and cry harder and scream louder. I spent a lot of years forcing everyone in my life to call me names and treat my badly simply for a reason to feel persecuted. It was the only way I could justify how meaningless my life had become. So, your struggles don’t look foreign or lonely to me at all – they looks very familiar and transparent because I spent years stuck there, and then years focusing on getting and staying away from there.

Please make no mistake; I am not judging you or hurling insults at you. I sincerely hope that you find peace and a way out of the negativity that you have placed yourself in, and start taking a long hard look at the things you are robbing yourself and others of when you give in to it.

Many people have offered you help and a way out of the hole you have placed yourself in – you cannot smack their hand away over and over and expect them to come in after you. Consider, if you will, that the people that have been labeled by you as self serving and manipulative have been simply standing on your sidelines, feeling the need to protect and defend a set of values and beliefs that are important in their own lives, and not out to ruin you or your show or your personal walk through life.

Respectfully,

Sherri St.George Darley

Recovery has allowed me to gain the strength and the power to face those fears.  I learned that if God was driving the car then I never had to worry about what my destination was going to be.  Wherever the car stopped, it was always better than where I had just been.  It took Prayer and a deep relationship with God to put all of this into motion, with a personal understanding that at some point I had inevitably was going to try and reach out and grab the wheel, even when I knew that it was not a good idea. This is an every day process for me.  I would like to think that I do it perfectly every day, but that just would not be the truth.  The cool thing is that the times I try and take over are fewer and far between.  My ability to trust God with the wheel gets stronger every day. 

I am fortunate to be married to my best friend.  When I am not with her I feel like a part of me is missing and there is not a day that goes by that I do not thank God for putting her in my life.  She has been my support system and has loved me through some of my darkest times.  She has shown incredible strength through adversity, before and after I became a part of her life.  Together we have taken four children from broken situations and we have mended together a Family that stands together through all things.  We have also brought a new baby into the world and his name is Jack.  Jack brings us great joy and his smile and spirit emphasize to us daily that we were meant to be together and we were meant to do great things.  I love her desperately, and I love her with all of my heart. 

A week ago we found a small lump on her breast.  I did my best to pretend it was nothing and to assure her that nothing could possibly be wrong.  When you live the way we do you sometimes allow things like health insurance to take a back seat to things that seem more important, like electricity and rent.  The Doctor was incredible and does not appear to be overly concerned.  She also pulled some strings so that Sherri can get a Mammogram at no cost for us.  I was moving through this process just fine when all of a sudden a car pulled into my parking lot yesterday and told me to hop in, fear was ready to take me for a ride.  In a matter of minutes, fear took me to my knees.  Why God?  Haven’t we been through enough?  Why would you go to so much trouble to bring us together, just to lay this on us now?  Why was I so afraid? 

I was afraid because I do not want to lose someone I love.  I was afraid because up until recently fear has taken me into the darkest places that I do not wish to ever visit.  I was afraid because I had stopped letting God drive the car.  Where was God in this?  It wasn’t in my prayer time.  I had not even for a moment turned and asked God for the strength to face what he had in store.  I found a quiet place and I got down on my knees and I turned this situation over to God.  I asked for strength and guidance and I thanked him for driving the car.  I then called Sherri and told her I was afraid. 

We lay in bed last night and she told me she was scared.  We held each other and we cried.  We prayed together and we did our best to allow God to do what God has to do.  We both slept soundly last night and when I got ready to leave this morning I kissed her good bye and was at peace to face the day.  I have no idea how this situation is going to play out, but I know God has us, just like he has always had us and for now…well that’s good enough. 

I love my wife with all my heart and all my soul and if you get some extra time on your hands we sure could use your prayers.

O Lord,
You know my great unfitness for service,
my present deadness,
my inability to do anything for Your glory,
my distressing coldness of heart.

I am weak, ignorant, unprofitable,
and loathe and abhor myself.
I am at a loss to know what You would have me do,
for I feel amazingly deserted by thee,
and sense thy presence so little;
You make me possess the sins of my youth,
and the dreadful sin of my nature,
so that I feel all sin,
I cannot think or act but every motion is sin.

Return again with showers of converting grace
to a poor Gospel-abusing sinner.
Help my soul to breathe after holiness, after a constant devotedness to thee, after growth in grace more abundantly every day.

O Lord, I am lost in the pursuit of this blessedness,
and am ready to sink because I fall short of my desire;
Help me to hold out a little longer,
until the happy hour of deliverance comes,
for I cannot lift my soul to thee
if thou of thy goodness bring me not close.

Help me to be diffident, watchful, tender,
lest I offend my blessed friend in thought and behavior;
I confide in You and lean upon You,
and need You at all times to assist and lead me.

O that all my distresses and apprehensions might prove but Christ’s school
to make me fit for greater service
by teaching me the great lesson of humility.

- The Valley Of Vision, a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions.

If this doesn’t summarize how I’ve felt in recent days, I’m not sure what does. It’s refreshing to express so genuinely to God how little I’m able to accomplish of my own energy and strength. He is not caught off guard, surprised, nor does He sit back and scoff at my weakness. Christ’s power in us is made perfect through weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9), so the weaker we become – the more we admit we can’t carry our load alone – the more powerfully God works in and through us. It’s obviously backwards from what we’ve all been taught or experience in this life. You don’t “climb the ladder” by admitting you are weak or unable to even climb at all. “Suppress your fears, deny your insecurities, climb on your own strength and don’t bother knocking people off the ladder on your way up.” – that’s more along the lines of how the world deals with weakness. Thankfully God is bigger than this world and loves to overcome weakness through His bold power.

If you are anything like me, very weak and fragile at times, then you’ll relate with this Puritan prayer. Pray it with me, and trust that God will renew your strength. Jesus, we need You at every hour, at every turn, during every trial, storm and distress, we need You when we are sailing and when we are drowning. We need You in both good times and bad. Help us not to keep going without You. Help us not to fall behind or get too far ahead of You. Help us to stay steady on the course You’ve mapped out for us. Give us ears to hear and eyes to see. Give us Love and all the Fruit of Your Spirit. Give us Grace.

By Chad Johnson Check out this Link and Show The Love!

Jay was involved with a group that created Revolution, a church started for people who had given up on church or rather church had given up on them.  Jay and the rest of this awesome group set out to reach the forgotten and the broken. They broke with the traditional rules of the mainstream church and set up shop wherever they could.  Services were held in bars, movie theaters, etc.  The message is simple, we are all Children of God, saved by grace. God and His Son Jesus Christ are inclusive and not exclusive.  He came to save the sick and the beaten down.  If you are waiting to get good enough to serve God then you will be waiting forever.

What a novel concept.  God loves everyone and wants them to know that they are not alone.  I was so sick of the mainstream church, watching Ministers sit in the safety of their church buildings, losing sight of what is really happening a 100 yards from their front door. How can you say live a Godly life in in every aspect when you have no idea what my life looks like.  You preach setting a Godly example in the work place when your work place is a church and mine is not. I especially loved Churches where the Pledge of Allegiance is promoted more than the Word of God.  Where the pulpit has become the soap box against social issues.  A place where hate and judgment have become personified.  Wow, its funny how Jesus was none of those things.

I am currently reading a book called “Jesus Loves You This I Know” By Craig Gross and Jason Harper. It is a great book about the fact that Jesus loves everyone.  Get the book if you want an eye opening experience, however, I digress.  The point is that whenever anyone sees the title of the book they have a knee jerk reaction to the title.  Mostly it is sarcasm and ridicule.  This makes me so angry and not at the people who have the reaction.  My anger is at fellow Christians who have branded Jesus in such a negative light.  Their examples have created a picture of Christ that is bastardized at best.  If I was exposed to Christianity for the first time with some of the examples that are set today, I would turn and run and never look back.  Most people cannot even see it.

I agree with the Jay’s approach and other Ministers like him.  Individuals preaching from the Word of God, promoting the love of Christ and the fact that we are saved by grace.  This movement is known as The Outlaw Preachers and I am fortunate to be a part of this movement and hope my own Ministry sets the example that says “Jesus Loves You This I Know”.

The Outlaw video has arrived! Check this out if you dare!

Also please show your support to Jay Bakker’s Ministry at Revolution NYC. They do a lot of great work and have struggled at times to even meet payroll.  Needless to say it is a long way from the PTL Club.

Viva la Revolution and Viva la Outlaw Preachers!

I read this and loved it at Live Free. Go check out the rest of his stuff.

Jerks For Jesus

By Jason Salamum

To Jerks for Jesus from a recovering Jerk for Jesus.

You know who you are.

You quarrel over opinions.

You poke at others with your nit-picky stick of religion.

You sit in castles of exegesis and rarely mingle among the villagers.

You are a jerk for Jesus.

You dissect every word of the preacher and every fault of the people.

You argue the finer points of theology with a knowing grin on your face.

You proclaim your criticisms in the public square about people you don’t even know.

You are a jerk for Jesus. You believe you’re to watch for the missteps of others.

You talk of your own sin in the past tense.

You are a soldier of destruction, not an engineer of edification.

You are a jerk for Jesus.

You are a coward who hides behind keyboards, big words, and hearsay.

You attack your neighbor when Jesus says to love them.

You smell like ungrace.

You are a jerk for Jesus.

Despite that, you are loved and forgiven.

God’s grace is bigger than your snobbish self-righteousness.

Exchange your big finger for a big heart.

And ask someone for a hug.

Because I think you could really use one.

I currently have a particularly difficult client who has the awesome ability to manipulate his parents.  He has terrorized them so deeply and has controlled them for so long that they cannot even sleep at night.  I want to share with you a letter I had to write to them today.   The names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Dear George,

I know that you worry about James and whether or not he is moving backwards.  He’s not.  If he was in a thirty day program he would be experiencing these same feelings the difference is he would be out there and he would probably get high over it.  When James demands that you come get him and demands that he is going to do what he wants, what I want you to be hearing is him saying that he wants to get high, because that is what he really means.  The kid that you handed me three months ago is not the man that he is turning into today.

I left this business three and a half years ago and swore I would never come back.  I had three former clients relapse and die in a 4 month period.  I had mothers thanking me for giving them back there children and then having to call me up and tell me what the funeral arraignments were going to be.  I had to explain to families why the children that they had taken home from the hospital and raised since birth had suddenly winked out of existence.  I was not able to find purpose around the death of those three individuals.  I had difficulty embracing Gods will.  I was angry at God. I swore that I was done and wanted no more of what God had to offer me.

I was not able to turn this over to God because I had decided that I was God.  A former colleague of mine asked me to come back to work in the field of recovery and I was terrified to do it.  I remember my wife telling me that I was wasting my time at the job I was at and that it would be a shame for me not to do what I was good at doing.  I remember looking at my own kids and thinking, if they were in that situation who would I want to help them?  Would I want someone like me? I remember hugging my kids that day and saying, okay God… here we go.

I am good at what I do and I say that not out of cockiness, but because God has decided to bless me with the ability to speak to people and sometimes they actually hear the message I have been given to convey.  I get up every morning and I finish my prayers the same way.  I say “God, your will not mine. Please don’t let me screw this up.”  It has worked so far.  I have low moments where I question whether or not I should be doing this and right about that time is when I get a phone call from a former client telling me how good their lives have become. They tell me that their marriages are still intact and that they are being good fathers and good employees.  They tell me that their parents trust them again and that they are proud of who they have become.  Just for the record… those are the wins.  That’s when I take a deep breath and say, “Okay God, lets do this thing until you say we are done.”

Please trust me. Please trust God.  Know that James is still learning and experiencing a new power that he has only just begun to know.  I know it hurts.  I get it.  Let me do what God has designed me to do and know that no matter what happens you will never have to ask yourself if you did enough.  I can guarantee nothing, but I can also tell you that there are no limitations to what God can do.  It is an honor and a privilege to work with your Son.  I am a better man by doing so.

J.D.

I have hidden behind names my entire life.  If I did comedy then I had a stage name. Even this blog is written under an anonymous name.  I had to ask myself what it was about me that constantly had me hiding behind a persona or someone that I was not.  What I have figured out is that I have never really felt good enough to say what I needed to say from the perspective of my true self.  This is phenomenal to me when I think about the size of my ego.  I loved being the center of attention and I loved the pats on the back.  I just did not love me.  Over the past few years I have gotten very okay with who I really am.   I spent years pouring alcohol on top of that person because I never could measure up.  My insides never seem to match up to everyone else’s outside.

I over use humor in a huge way.  When I was in 8th grade my parents who were Missionaries to Japan, spent a year in Mobile Alabama for furlough.  Four years on, one year off.  I went from going to school in an International school setting to a Junior High in the middle of a South Alabama neighborhood called Black Jack.  Needless to say I stood out.  I got my butt kicked every week for about four months.  Then I stood up for myself and in the process said something to make the school bully laugh.  I instantly became the “The Funny Guy”.  The awkward redheaded kid that had been referred to as “Jap Boy” now had some street credit.  My humor took off big time and every opportunity I had I worked overtime to be on stage and be the center of attention.  I hid more pain through humor than I ever did with Alcohol and Drugs.

This was just one of many identities I hid behind in my quest to just be okay with being me.  The hardest person we ever have to face is ourselves.  Just us.  Warts and scars and wrinkles and all the rest.  If I can stand toe to toe with that person and be okay…well that’s what most of us strive for ultimately. The ability to look in the mirror and just be okay with the reflection staring back.  I recently went to the Doctor for a full physical and am in surprisingly good health considering what I have put my body through.  My Doctor never pulls any punches and knows my past history with addiction.  Between all the scars and all the tattoos, I was embarrassed by what she might think.  I actually apologized for what I looked like physically.  She looked me square in the eye and said, “Don’t apologize. What I see is a roadmap for someone who has been on a great adventure. Every scar tells a story, every tattoo tells a tale.  You just get to decide how many more scars you need to finish the story.”  She left the office and I cried for a good ten minutes. While I processed that simple statement.

I’m glad to be who I am, and I am glad that I am okay with how God made me.  My names J.D. Darley and I am a Husband, a Father, a Son, a Brother, a Funny Guy, a Sad Guy and yes…a recovered alcoholic and drug addict.  I love who I am and would not be all those things without all the scars.  I hope you are okay with you too.