I am writing this blog as a tribute to my best friend.  Some people might think this is corny, but sometimes I become so overwhelmed by my feelings that writing them down is the only way to truly express the way I feel.  I met my wife about two and a half years ago, and we had no idea that we would be married today.  She was in a bad situation and I was in a bad situation and we both had resigned ourselves to the fact that our fate had been sealed.  The pressure was off.  We got to be friends and never had to worry about it being anything more.  By the time we ended our respective bad situations, it was inevitable that we would be together.

I’ve heard people say that you should always marry your best friend.  I had no idea what this meant until I met my wife.  Putting aside the fact that she was beautiful, intelligent and the funniest person I know, she also happened to be my best friend.  I have never understood unconditional love, but I do now.  The crazy thing about it is that for some odd reason she believes in me.  She has been through a great deal with me, and has only asked one thing, that no matter what happens that I would never give up fighting.  For the first time someone understood my struggle and never made me feel less than.  My wife is a survivor who has gone through some pretty horrible things in her life.  When she tells me these stories, it is as if she is talking about someone else all together.  She is not that person anymore, and it breaks my heart to think that someone has ever caused her harm.  She is a fighter and contrary to what she might think, she is stronger than anyone I know.  She considers herself a scaredy cat, but I see great courage in everything she does.

My Mother and Father gave us fifty dollars for our Anniversary gift and we spent the day just being together.  We went shopping at Salvation Army, a favorite pastime in our household, and we went to lunch.  It was the greatest Anniversary ever.  I had no idea that love and marriage was suppose to be this way. I love my wife, and am a better person by being with her.

I am desperately in love with my wife and feel like my manhood is strengthened through that admission.  God brought us together and for that I will always be eternally grateful.

I have changed the names to protect the not so innocent.

Hey J.D.!
It is nice to be reconnected! I see you’ve got a cute new baby! Is that 5? We had two while I was at OBU and then added two more when we lived in Thailand.
We’re back in Arkansas now walking and waiting to see how God shapes up our next “phase” of life. Scary and exciting at the same time…
It is interesting how drunks and addictions can be threads that bind and reconnect people.
I am sure you know Brian. Through a friend I made and posted information about, Brian contacted me and that began a “friendship” over the past month or two.
I know there is a long list of people who Brian has woven into his saga but I refuse to be one of them. From the moment we began to talk, he began to do the cycle of cussing me and trying to push me away and make me hate him so as to confirm the demonic lies that he is worthless.
I have told him I would drive to help him with whatever to get him some treatment and he got to the point of asking me what the next step was. I called some friends and made some connections to get him into a local, free, christian program but he backed out. Then he “offered” for me to come visit him within 10 or 20 minutes but I couldn’t. That has given him the ammunition to be angry at me and he says he hates me now. I keep telling him I love him and that he can’t make me stop. He hates that the most! He says he wants me to hate him but I won’t.
Brian has some serious mental, emotional and chemical/addictive issues but he also has demonic strongholds over his life. I have prayed with him over the phone several times and the last time we spoke, I began praying for him as he was cussing and cursing me and I heard him say “no” and then he hung up.
I have said some hard things to him about being a drunk and needing to be so low as to admit it himself but he likes to think himself sophisticated and can’t see himself that way, at least not when someone else says it. He’ll run himself down but won’t take it from anybody else. Even so, I alway tell him that I love him and that God loves him even more and desires Brian to be free so he knows I love him and am willing to help him. I may be the only person within range with the willingness to help him and I think he knows that. So, I expect he will be calling me back soon, again…
I am just praying that God will help me see the enemies schemes and be able to help Brian get help for the physical issues of addition so that he can have some hope of getting help with the spiritual and emotional issues.
Sorry to unload on you but that is where I am with him.
Do you make it up to Little Rock ever? We haven’t been to TX since before we went to Thailand 10 years ago. If we did get down there, we’d be headed to Houston to visit my aunt and uncle so Austin would be within striking distance.
Let me know your thoughts about Brian if you have time.
Grace,
G.

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Dear G.

Brian has made contact with me as well, and needless to say I have offered direction and insight, but have refused to allow him to take me hostage. Brian had the same MO in college as he has now. Brian desperately feeds on attention and negative attention is just as good as positive attention. Brian uses alcohol to be ok with being Brian. Brian has a host of emotional and mental issues, and yes he suffers deeply from a spiritual malady. All addicts do. When the spiritual comes into check then so does the rest. Once in Recovery, the Addict is given a daily reprieve based on a fit spiritual condition.
G., I am not going to get into a discussion about possession of the demonic variety, but I will tell you that worst than that, in the most simplistic of terms, Brian is disconnected, and seperated from God. Alcohol allows this to be acceptable. I have spent 10 years in active addiction and 5 working on the frontlines of Recovery. The story seldom changes, but through the power of God the outcomes always do.  God uses us to help them and they change, or God uses someone or something else and they change, or my least favorite, God just ends the misery.
You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. You can, however, make him thirsty. It is apparent that Brian is weighing heavily on your heart, but you also cannot allow him to manipulate what your focus needs to be. Unfortunately, things often times must get very painful for people to see the light. I know this from experience.
Do not discount the value of secular Treatment Programs. God uses all things, and there is a posiibility that a Christian based Program could be a block rather than a positive. Brian is going to have to come to an understanding of God and it will have to be of his own understanding starting off. That does not mean compromise your stance. I love your passion and I love your faith, but Gods plan is Gods plan. You might want to start off by dragging him to an AA Meeting. You might be surprised what you find. No such thing as lost causes my friend, and no limitations on what God can do.
Do you make it up to Little Rock ever? We haven’t been to TX since before we went to Thailand 10 years ago. If we did get down there, we’d be headed to Houston to visit my aunt and uncle so Austin would be within striking distance.
Let me know your thoughts about Brian if you have time.
Grace,
G.

Is it cool if I post this on my blog?  I think people would gain a better understanding of addiction through this correspondence.
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J.D.
I don’t mind you posting this stuff but for now I would think that it would be better not to use real names. I’m not worried about Brian getting pissed off or anything but I won’t want to add to his pile of stuff because of his perception that I betrayed his trust.
Don’t worry about him manipulating me. I know the main thing Brian needs is Jesus and a right perspective about Him, but the chemical dependancy is clouding his ability to perceive correctly. I agree that worse than demonic oppression is separation from God. However, the demonic influence I refer to isn’t so much the substance abuse as much as his internal struggles with hatred and sexual issues that have been passed down and that he has entertained and welcomed into his life. I agree that the booze is just “medication” for him to be able to live with himself, even though it really drives his self hatred and hopelessness even deeper.
I am not against secular treatment. I only mentioned those programs because Brian asked for christian programs and those are the ones the my counselor friend explored openings with. At this point, I don’t care what kind if treatment Brian gets into. The biggest hurdle will be him reaching a point where he is willing to do ANYTHING. And I agree for sure about there being no lost causes, that’s whey I’m still talking to Brian when he is willing. But, Even God won’t override a person’s choice to make the wrong choices. All I’m trying to do is lead Brian to water. It will be his choice to drink.
Thanks for the offer for help. It seems that helping folks with addiction is something that God has placed before us at least for a season. It doesn’t take a lot of searching to find addicts of any kind so it is likely to be something He uses us to help with for the long haul.
Grace,
G.
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That’s for sure. Please let me know when the season ends.:)
Also, so that you know what I meant about God and outcomes. God uses us to help the addict and one of two things happens. God changes them or God takes them. Those are the only outcomes.
J.D.
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If we are truly willing to even bother with “the least of these” in this life as we aught, I don’t think there will be an end… Maybe “season” wasn’t the right term huh?
That makes the “outcome” part clearer for sure! Thanks bro.
Grace,
G.

If you like following this blog please let me know. jd@reverendjohnnydragon.com  I would love to add you to my distrubution list and send you updates when they happen.  Please send your email address to the above link and I will make sure you are kept in the loop.

After my day has had the appropriate tone set, I have one job and one job only.  I ask myself one question and that question is, how can I be of service to others?  What can I do today that can be of help to humanity.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have to make a living, or else my wife might take issue with my focus, but even at work, I have to make myself available for service.  This is something I starting putting out to the Universe years ago, and now the calling becomes clearer each day. 

Sometimes it is as simple as helping someone broken down on the side of the road.  Sometimes it is holding the door open for someone who never receives that kind of kindness.  Sometimes it is answering the phone when you have no desire to do so.  Sometimes its being kind and loving to your wife and children because that’s what they deserve, and it is definitely what they will remember.  Sometimes it’s just deciding that meanness and hatred are unacceptable.  Most times it’s just the act of being in God’s Will.

Before I go to bed each night I do a thorough review of my day.  I ask myself a series of questions and I answer them honestly on paper.  How was I resentful today?  How was I selfish today? How was I dishonest today? What did I keep secret today? How was I unloving and unkind today?  Was I thinking of myself or others today?  Did I make Gods will my focus today?  I list the people I helped and the tasks I got accomplished.  I then write out in order all of the things that I am grateful for, with God at the top of the list, and my employment at the bottom.  I then go to God in prayer and thank Him for showing me all the things that block me from Him, others, and myself.  I ask for them to be removed and for God to give me the strength to make them right.  I thank God for showing me His will daily.  Guess what? I sleep like a baby without the aid of anything else to do it.  I am able to face me.

God gives me awareness, and he gives me consciousness.  He allows me to be in a position of neutrality and He makes me present to the now.  He accepts me by His Grace exactly like I am.  This is how free I want to be.

Amazing miracles have happened in my life, and there is no other explanation but through God.  Thank you all for your support. jd@reverendjohnnydragon.com.

I’m disappointed and disturbed that I said something so stupid.  I’ve been a ardent supporter of AA for a very long time.  I’ve got a copy of the Big Book on my shelf and have read a large portion of it, including “Bill’s story”.  You’re absolutely right, AA was started by a physician and a stockbroker.  I’m not sure how I got confused on that.  AA is far-and-away the most effective recovery program ever.  My criticism was based on numerous reports men have brought to me about the “higher power”.  My generalization was unfair and stupid.  I routinely recommend the AA program run out of Red River Church that is Christ-centered, meaning they acknowledge Christ is the “higher power”.  The 12 Steps parallel very well… almost exactly, what every sinner must do in receiving Christ and walking the Spirit-filled life.  I ask your forbearance and forgiveness for what I said.  It was totally and inexcusably wrong.

The encouraging thing in this for me, as you pointed out, is that you followed the direction of Christ (Matt 18:15) to the letter.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity not only to seek forgiveness for sinning against you, but to also grow from the experience.  If you had burned inside w/out saying anything and left the church I would have missed this opportunity.  Sometimes my fallen humanity rears its ugly head.  I appreciate people like you who care enough to point it out with love and patience.  I’d like to get together at lunch or whenever to continue this conversation and see where to go from here.

In Christ,

SC

Dear Pastor Steve,

I wanted to let you know that I am grateful for the opportunity to participate in the Wed. Night Mens meeting, and got a great deal from it.  I also look forward to continuing the study of the material, and the opportunity to become more involved with the church.

I do have some thoughts on a statement you made last night.  You said in reference to AA that they tell you to believe in whatever you want to, and you followed it up with “Gimme a break.”  The old J.D. probably would have gotten up and left at that juncture, and being full of judgment, probably would not have brought his family back to PCC.  This is a strong statement, but bare with me for a moment, and please understand that I say all of these things out of deep respect and love.  Is it possible that your experience with AA and or 12 Step Recovery is minimal, limited, and based on what society believes to be true?  Is it possible that you may have been passing judgment upon an organization in a generalized fashion, just as society passes judgment on the church based on the Pat Robertsons and the Joel Olsteens of the world?  Just some considerations.

Just to clear up some misconceptions about the 12 Steps, I have heard you say they were developed by a pastor.  Not so.  They were written in 1939 by a Stockbroker and a Physician, based on some premises set forth by what was then known as the Oxford Group.  It started with two men and now has over two million members.  It is based on attraction rather than promotion.  No media blitzes allowed.  They are fully self-supporting accepting no outside contributions.  In 1939 they passed a basket with the expectation of each person contributing a dollar.  In 2009 people still contribute that same dollar.  The singleness of purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.  That’s it.  They do it not as an outreach to the community, but because their personal recovery is contingent upon it.  They do it because they will drink again if they do not give away what was so freely given.

In reference to your point.  Most people who stumble into AA have no real conception of God, but they have a very real experience with what a life run on self will looks like.  Step one is not the admission of a problem, but the understanding that a life run on self will has no power. Steps 2-12 are nothing but God.  Pastor Steve, more people have come back to the church because of AA, than the church has ever directed to AA.  Take the number of people you have counseled over your career who have struggled with addiction.  I am willing to bet that it is only a fraction of the people that are sitting in an AA meeting right now as you read this email.  It is not about believing anything you want, but coming to grips with the fact that you are powerless and something bigger than you has that power to solve the problem.

God used AA or else I would not be a member of PCC.  God used AA or else I would not have my family.  God used AA or else I would not have a personal relationship with Him.  God used AA or I would not be alive to take issue with your statement.  God is Good!  I work with people every day, not because I get a paycheck, not because I am a people person, not because I am trying to buy a seat into heaven, but because that’s what God tells me to do if I expect to maintain this gift of Recovery.  We talked about accepting the miracles of the Old Testament last night.  I have no problem accepting these stories because if God can give me the strength not to drink, then the parting of the Red Sea seems like an easy accomplishment.  I see God working in the rooms of AA with great power and great magnitude.  I see broken Men and Women come back from the depths of darkness and lead lives based on Gods will for them.  Floating axe handles…no biggie.

I appreciate the fact that I feel comfortable enough to share these things with you and hope that I can be of service in any way for the good of the church.  If you have never read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, then I encourage you to do so.  I would love a chance to discuss it with you.

J.D.

When I was drinking and drugging, and please understand that if there was one thing I was perfect at it was drinking and drugging, I had no concept of what it meant to be free.  All I knew was that I had a great deal of fear driving me through out the day like a New York City Taxi Driver.  Alcohol and Drugs allowed me to quiet the problem for brief moments, but like the paradox of freedom, the fear was only intensified.  Alcohol and Drugs were never my problem, and my problem never made me use alcohol and drugs.  Alcohol and Drugs simply made my problem more palatable. I medicated because it was the only thing that shut the voices up for any period of time.  It did not matter what I used to quiet the roar, it was all anti J.D. medication as far as I was concerned.  My problem was me.  The problem was being right here right now, in the presence of me.

Ya see, for me to be free, I had to accept the fact that my life ran by me was not a very good idea.  My thinking was so imbedded with preconceived conditioning that I should not have been allowed to cross the street by myself.  I had to relinquish all power and control and cease to resist everyone and every thing.  I had to decide that my arrogance had to be put aside and humility must be my code.  I had to recognize and allow God to do for me what I could not do for myself.  At the time this seemed like a rather tall order, but compared to where I had been, this was a very small price to pay. 

I make a lousy God.  That’s why God has the job.  Some of you are probably saying to yourselves, “Oh no, J.D. has found religion!”  Nope, religion really does not have that much appeal to me.  However, concious contact with God as I understand him/her is what truly matters.  This is what works for me today, and everyday.

My challenge to you today is to ask yourself this question, How free do ya wanna be? And then take the appropriate action to achieve that goal.  No biggie!

J.D.